Wednesday, 23 November 2011

"Project Un-Caged Doves; Buy them, Unclip them, Let them Soar"

Mine and Patrick "Look Mum! No calculator!" McCarthy's trip was fruitful. Some nice Doves are in the nest. But at the moment they look like rabid, one-legged, retarded pigeons.
The lads transit van trip was fun too, and if you're wondering, it was 3-1 to me on stalls. Although mine was in the middle of a roundabout so prolly about three times as ridiculous.

But without further ado, the rad-ass steeds...


Dove 1
"Expand Your Horizons"
First up we have this total bute. It's a 10 speed Dawes Horizon with a Reynolds 500 Frame circa 1980's.
This hand built English two-wheeler is already a dream to ride. We picked it up from a nice guy with a ponytail called simply "Rob" who lives by the sea. We're gonna scrub it up, give it some new bar tape and it'll be good to go. 

"Reynolds 500 frames are super light and strong. Awesome."


Dove 2
"Afternoon Delight"





Secondly we have a saucy Ladies number. This 70's Raleigh will have your thighs quivering with anticipation, mainly because at the moment it has no seat.
We'll strip it back to make it less cumbersome, get those shiny bits gleaming again and find a nice comfy saddle for those mornings you just don't feel that broody. 

"British. Bootiful. Lavely"

Dove 3
"I've Been Puched off a Cliff"
Next up is an old Austrian beast that's been treated like your Grandma at a Fritzl family reunion. This needs serious TLC. It looks like its spent the last 20 years under a waterfall. Definitely something no scrub can just fix.
However with 2 new wheels, some new pedals, an absolute overhaul in the drive train department and a nice hot bath it'll be back fighting fit.

"I'll Be Back"


Dove 4
"I Von't a Viscount"
The fourth Dove we've taken under our wing is another Royal mess. The Viscount brand was a British Midlands based firm with a successful racing team in the 70's. They were hand built from quality components and once restored, this one will be fit for a King again.
It's a monster of a frame, you'll need a ladder to get on it if you're under 6ft and it needs a lot of tweaking and cleaning.

"Vis-Count Me In!"

Dove 5
"I'm a Cobra, not a Bloody Dove"
"Oooh! This velocipede is rather nice!" The "Free Spirit Cobra 10GT" was absolutely made to be in a blog titled "Project Un-Caged Doves; Buy them, Unclip them, Let them Soar". That's why it'll be a pleasure and a privilege to renovate it.
I'm told that they were sold in America by Sears as good quality, mass produced bikes. This 10 speed will get new shoes, bar tape and a jolly good wash.

"Did You Like My Use of the Word Velocipede Before?"

Dove 6
"Ou est La Bibliotheque?"
Landing in at number 6 is Un Velo Tres Special. This sexy Peugeot Carbolite racer is another example (the first being Marion Cotillard) of the French making something very sexy indeed. It's very light, very sleek, very fast and super chic.

"Oui, c'est formidable"

Dove 7
"It's Ladies' Night, and the Gearing's Right"
 What can I say about this Raleigh 5 Speed Ladies White Racer that hasn't been said already? Nothing.


Dove 8
"Androgynous"
This is obviously a well nice bike mate. It's a unisex Vintage Raleigh Town Bike with lovely old handlebars and (nearly) white wall tires. In an urban environment such as London, this fine piece of ass is sure to turn heads. 
We don't even need to do any work on it. I guess we could convert it to a single speed or something, but it's got a 3 Speed Sturmey Archer Hub. So what's the fucking point?

"Shake Your Rump ah"
  
Dove 9 - Le pièce de résistance 


"Wheely Nice"

I know what you're thinking. "That bike's only got one wheel Bro!" And you're right, it does only have one wheel. Our photographer didn't put it back on to take the photo. But that's not her fault, she was working for free and has been off work ill for nearly a week so give the poor cow a break.

All jokes aside though, we've stumbled across a total diamond in the muff here. I challenge you to find any information online or otherwise about the manufacturer of this bike. All I know is his name was Frank Shaw and he hand built bikes in Camberley. Honestly, if anyone reading this knows or finds anything AT ALL about the bike or the company or even if you know a guy called Frank Shaw, I'll buy you a beer, because I've got nothing man.

Just by the way, we know it's such a great quality bike for a few reasons: it's as light as a fart; it has vintage Italian Cinelli and Campagnolo components; and the big Yorkshireman who sold it to us said so.
This one will get a respray and a single speed conversion, the new lease of life it deserves. It won't be one legged for long.

So go on, soak up some lovely hi-res pictures. Spin that mouse wheel like it's a tumblr baby.



Beano and Paddy. Xx

Thursday, 17 November 2011

The Falcon Project 2 - Digression

It looks like Patrick "Pythagoras ain't got shit on me" McCarthy and I have bitten off more than we can chew. But instead of pussying out like wimps, we've gone in for another helping.

"The Falcon Project" isn't quite the guys-hanging-out-with-a-beer bicycle building project we hoped it would be. We're still gonna get the job done of course, don't you worry about that. The thing needs work and parts though, big time. In our online quest for these parts, we've only gone and bought 13 more bikes that we're gonna pick up in a (lads) transit van on Saturday.

I know what you're thinking, overkill.
Sure. But the world is your oyster and there's opportunity to be had around every corner. We're gonna pool the parts, put together some smoking-ass steeds and unleash them on our local municipality.

So instead of this just being;

"Project Falcon"

..henceforth it shall be known as;

"Project Un-Caged Doves; Buy them, Unclip them, Let them Soar"

Yes it's a bit of a mouthful, but that's what this whole thing has become. Believe me, you saying it will be much bloody easier than us actually doing it.

Pictures of the bikes aren't ready yet obviously. But in lieu of those, here's the earliest photo on mine and Pat's facebook friendship page. It was taken at Georgie Rogers' 21st Birthday Party 2006...







The same night this happened...


Also the same night Jess Martin strode round on crutches literally shouting "I'm Heather Mills McCartney".

If that was all a bit too much, here's a picture of a really nice Italian bike...




Beano and Paddy. Xx

Sunday, 13 November 2011

The Falcon Project

 Y8BHE2XRJSMB

If one has ever wondered what one does with one's spare time when one is not Bestimating, one can find the answer here.

This is a Falcon bike from the 1970's, when it was new it prolly looked a bit like this;
"Nice Steed"

 But now it looks like this;

"Pass the Brasso"

Patrick "Plat du Jour" McCarthy and I will be restoring it back to, and surpassing it's former glory. This New Found Glory will be sold at the end.

Restoring a bike isn't child's play, it can be viewed as an art-form. Like David Beckham's free kicks. A spectators sport/art form.

So we'll post our progress on here, and if you like it, you can get your hands on it when we're done.

Here are some more angles for your viewing pleasure.

"Forking Lovely"

"Ooh Dirty Falcon"

"By the Weinmanns"

"Handle This"

"Plunging Neckline"

"Back On My Feet Again"

Friday, 11 November 2011

Alternative Autobiography Names - Movie Stars

Movie stars should have great autobiography names, they spent their lives reading diverse scripts and meeting talented writers. But they fall short, massively.

Here, let me help...
   
"Hanks for the Memories: The Official Autobiography by Tom Hanks"  

"Having a Swank: The Official Autobiography by Hilary Swank"

"That Script's Bullock's: The Official Autobiography by Sandra Bullock" 

"Drunk in Charge; I Hate Jews: The Official Autobiography by Mel Gibson"

"One Night in Paris: The Official Autobiography by Paris Hilton"

"The Writing's on the Wahl: The Official Autobiography by Mark Wahlberg"

"Cage Fright: The Official Autobiography by Nicholas Cage"

"Please Sir, Can I Have Some Moore?: The Official Autobiography by Demi Moore"  

"The Best Book Eva!: The Official Autobiography by Eva Longoria"

"I Suck (Your Blood): The Official Autobiography by Robert Pattinson"  

"In at the Depp End: The Official Autobiography by Johnny Depp"  

"Down the Pan: The Official Autobiography by Kevin Bacon"

"Back when I was a YoungMan; My Memoirs: The Official Autobiography by Gary Oldman"

"Hurt; My Feelings: The Official Autobiography by John Hurt"  

"Between the Lines (Of Charlie): The Official Autobiography by Charlie Sheen"

Beano. Xx